Are Chemtrails Vegan? – Letters to the editor

Dear Sir,

As a long-term Totnes resident, ethical consumer, and part-time intuitive weather empath, I feel compelled to raise an issue of urgent and frankly atmospheric importance.

Namely: are chemtrails vegan?

While many of us have come to terms – reluctantly, and with considerable inner work – with the idea that the government may be attempting to sterilise, sedate or psychically disarm us via high-altitude aerosol dispersal, I find it deeply troubling that no one has addressed the dietary implications.

It is one thing to be silently sprayed with lithium, strontium, barium, or whatever heavy metal blend-of-the-week our unelected sky overlords have opted for. But are we also to assume – and forgive me if this sounds shrill, but my chakras are fairly aquiver with indignation – that these so-called “cloud enhancements” may contain animal byproducts?

It is well documented (in several unverified forums) that gelatin, lanolin, and even fish oil can be used as binding agents in aerosol technologies. One cannot help but ask: when I inhale my morning breath of Dartmoor mist, lightly tinged with what looks suspiciously like a synthetic cirrus plume, am I, in fact, consuming aerosolised cow bones?

I have spent 17 years meticulously avoiding Haribo, shampoo, and any moisturiser with a name I can’t pronounce, only to discover that I may have been microdosing on beef particulates every time I put the washing out. It is, quite frankly, a scandal.

Where is the Green Party in all this? Probably off having a hemp macchiato and muttering about regenerative agriculture while the rest of us are non-consensually misted with aerosolised goose fat.

It is 2025. Surely the technology exists to enslave the population without resorting to animal cruelty. 

Yours anxiously,

Dawn Helvetica-Kindersley