…from the night time hospital bed – a (potty mouth) poem

RAW, RAMBLING, RANTINGS (unedited, unformed)  from the night time hospital bed   Aka Worst Poem Ever
SUNDAY NIGHT, 07 JAN 2024   by Suzy Read – Adore Your Pelvic Floor Coach at Pelvic Floor Freedom

Beep fucking Beep

• Bip Bib
• Beep Beep
• Bee-bee bee-bee BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP,

Think I’m swearing?
No, not swearing.
Just the chorus of hospital machines
as I try to sleep

Very wearing
Lights a-glaring
Nurses staring

• Bip Bip
• Beep Beep
• Bee-bee bee-bee BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

Think I’m swearing?
Too fucking right I am!
What the bleeping fuck am I doing here?

Is it a wind up
that I wound up in hospital?
Brought in my ambulance
Crying
Whimpering
Cramping
Calling

Shunted
from bed to bed
ward to ward

Handovers failing :
Medication veiling
Spirit-light paling
Someone having a beeping laugh?

Good nurse
Bad nurse
Cardboard bedpan

Fluids in
Fluids out
‘Have you done a poo today?’

Temper’s thin
Wanna shout
Leave me alone!

DON’T leave me alone!
Where’s everybody gone?

Is there anybody there?

Where’ve you all gone when I NEED YOU?!

I need my pain meds
Neighbour needs a pee!
Could I have some water?
Sorry to bother you
Yes, it’s me
Again

Pain
Brain-drain
Needles in vein

Name
Date of Birth
Hospital number

(Who am I?
Feel like just a number)

Numb
Numb
Number

Needles in
Needles out
Goes against the grain

Poo now please. Don’t strain
What’s that stain?
‘Hello my name’s Jane…
I’m your nurse for tonight’

And I’m nice and I’m great
at my job and I try
to be patient
but I don’t know you
from Adam
and I’m rushed off my feet
got targets to meet
and children to feed
but they don’t pay me
enough
so I’m working back-to-back
shifts

You want what?
Can’t possibly give you that…
It’s not written up in your charts

Someone didn’t write it up on my chart?
But the doctor prescribed it
Yesterday! 🤦‍♀️

(Again.)

Maybe they mistyped it?

And I can’t describe
how it feels…
…how every time this happens
I’d tear all my hair out
….if the chemo hadn’t
got there first.

• Bip Bip
• Beep Beep
• Ff-Ff Ff-Ff FUUUUUUUUUCK

Not again?!

Good doctor
Bad doctor
Cardboard bedpan

Pill time
Ill time
Beep fucking shrill time
Evil slimey baby alien tumours
Bad rhyme time

Fuck it, I’m going to go to sleep now.

(So they can wake me in an hour:
Blood pressure
Pulse
Temperature
Oxygen Saturation
Breath rate)

• Bip Bip
• Beep Beep
• Bee-bee Bee-bee BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!

 

 

Later, Suzi transferred to Rowcroft  for control of her symptoms before being allowed home The contrast was significant she wrote ….  ‘And here in Rowcroft Hospice it’s a refreshing and amazing contrast. Yes, 50% of the patients ARE here to die.  The other 50%, like myself, here for palliative care to address pain management prior to being able to return home.

But the space, the atmosphere, and the care all feel SO different.

I feel human here.  I feel – ridiculously – like I’ve wound up in a 5-star spa resort that I somehow don’t deserve.  People are waiting on me hand and foot.

So very kind and attentive.

The photo is the foot of my bed, taken out in the sunshine on the patio…..that’s FROM MY BED, WHEELED OUT IN TO THE SUNSHINE ON THE PATIO!!! (I still can’t believe it, even though I was definitely there when it happened! 🤣)…. where they brought me my lunch….and drinks…and meds…as well as letting me be, resting in the sun, phoning a family member.

And yet, I still can’t help but feel extremely displaced.