Devon Couple Recovering After ‘Nearly’ Running Out of Wine During Festive Break
A Devon couple are “recovering well” after what can only be described as a “near-life experience” — almost running out of wine just before New Year.
The two were left on the precipice of disaster with just a half bottle of Châteauneuf du Pape, barely sufficient to keep their spirits up, as they awaited a late running Sainsbury’s delivery. They had been assured it was “due at some point within the next 90 minutes.” But they were dubious, with fears of poor quality substitutions further deepening their anxiety.
An Anxious Wait
With every minute that ticked by, the situation grew increasingly dire. “The thought of facing New Year’s Eve without decent wine—well, it’s just barbaric” said Amber, 47 (though she does not look it). Her partner, Tobias, also 47 (but does not feel it), briefly considered popping to “the crap offy” round the corner. But he knew, at best, they’d only have that cheap Prosecco you wouldn’t give your enemy. Theories arose of visiting neighbours they hadn’t yet been to for seasonal drinks and nibbles.
Animal Senses
Their beloved emotional support dog, Molly Moo Deng, was said to have been “distressed” by the escalating tension. “She could sense the panic,” Tobias explained. “We were seconds away from a full-scale meltdown – I later journalled about my gratitude for Momo’s presence.”
It’s important people understand
The couple’s ordeal is not an isolated one. With over 25,000 bottles of wine consumed across Devon* this Yuletide, experts are warning of a growing phenomenon: “Wine drought.” There have been reports of an uptick in panic-buying as the holidays approached, leaving many households on the brink of the kind of collapse that only a really good bottle of Malbec can prevent.
Sainsbury’s, who had failed to deliver the couple’s full wine order on previous occasions, declined to comment**. “We’ve made a significant contribution to their wine sales, they don’t seem to understand the impact they are having on people like us – I don’t feel seen or heard” Amber retorted, with a tear in her eye.
Stay Safe
After the incident, Amber and Tobias vowed never to be caught short again. “We’ve learned our lesson,” Tobias admitted, staring into the middle distance. “Next year, we’re ordering from Ocado and Sainsbury’s — just to be safe.”
The couple thought it important to talk to the media, “..so our plight can be a cautionary tale, so others don’t have to suffer like we have. It’s important people understand, they are not alone“.
* This is almost certainly not true.
** This isn’t right either (ed)
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