The King visits Totnes for a sleepover – a true story*

From your on-the-spot reporter at Totnes Station

It was the morning of 19 December and I was at Totnes Station waiting for a train. While walking up the steps to the Signal Box to get a cup of tea, I noticed a lot of police officers and sniffer dogs. They were inspecting the derelict site where the burnt out car used to be, the banner advertising the car hire firm that has been coming soon for months, all along the station platform and even under the platform edge. Well, naturally, I assumed they were looking for drugs and thought no more of it…

A few hours later I was safely in Cornwall when my friends from Bob the Bus sent me a WhatsApp saying that The King was at Totnes Station. Apparently he’d been spotted by a bus driver lurking in the taxi rank. They thought he might be arriving to bestow some honour on the town (maybe a King’s Award for bus-iness or something) but no, he stepped off a train onto the platform and was whisked away in a limo.

It can take ages, especially on National Express

Could it be true? Was The King really in Totnes or was it an Elvis impersonator on his way to perform at The King Bill or up at Dartington? Well Things Really Do Happen Here! A quick search using AI turned up a reliable report from The Totnes Times that it really was The King. Apparently he was visiting the Britannia College in Dartmouth to give a speech to Naval Cadets who were passing out. This seems to be a reference to the cadets graduating rather than them feeling faint.

So why did The King travel from Windsor to Totnes by train? He could have been helicoptered all the way but the train would have been cheaper than a chopper. He could have been driven all the
way but the train was presumably more comfortable and he wouldn’t have had to get up at the crack of dawn to get here in time. He could have sailed to Dartmouth down the Thames and along The Channel but it would have been a bit slow.

For many of us, travelling from London to Totnes is not as simple as walking through a wardrobe and finding ourselves in Narnia. It can take ages, especially on National Express. And so it was for The King. In fact, he’d set out the night before from Windsor and actually arrived in the middle of the night, several hours before he appeared. ‘Twas the night before Friday and all through Totnes
Not a creature was stirring (not even on Vire Island). The King travelled on his own Royal Train. Now I assumed this would be something suitably patriotic but it turns out that these days it is pulled by a goods engine belonging to German Railways. You might think having a train to yourself would mean lots of space but it must also be carrying some flunkeys and security. Think of it as a bit like Air Force One rather than a travelling circus.

The Royal Train was a few minutes late arriving due to the knock-on effect of the Penzance sleeper train running late in front of it. And it also arrived on the wrong platform. The one going to London rather than the one coming from London. Had he in fact been naval-gazing in Plymouth? Or checking out his old Duchy in Cornwall? No, it was so the Royal Train could be reversed back across the river. A neat vanishing trick.

Having left the real railway, the Royal Train proceeded at a stately 15mph onto the steam railway (the average speed at the best of times). So, where he did go to, my lovelies? The King was effectively stashed for his Totnes sleepover in a siding near the Rare Breeds place. He had an attractive berth overlooking the river and the grounds of Dartington Hall. But also very secure and tucked well away from the prying eyes of the good citizens of Totnes.

So how did it all work? Well, according to my sources at South Devon Railway, it worked as follows…
Once The King was safely tucked up, it was time for the changing of the guard. The steam railway guard escorted the driver of the Royal Train back to Totnes as it was the end of his shift. Let’s hope he had an appropriate place to stay such as the Royal Seven Stars or the King Bill. The guard then picked up a photographer who had arrived in Totnes to take pictures of the Royal Train (as it is due to be decommissioned in a year or so’s time). But much more importantly the guard collected the daily newspapers for The King from Bridgetown Stores. The shopkeeper was apparently slightly bemused to be asked to pose for photos of the newspapers being handed over.

After taking The King his Morning Star and other newspapers, the guard had a coffee break while the photographer took lots of pictures of the Royal Train. The photographer was then driven back to Totnes Station to await the official arrival of The King. Shortly afterwards a new goods train driver arrived and was driven to the Royal Train. By this time The King was awake and so the Royal Train slowly trundled back to Totnes Station.

This time it arrived on time at 10.17am and The King stepped down onto the platform to be greeted by the Lord Lieutenant of Devon and ushered into a cavalcade of limos for Dartmouth.
The water tanks on the Royal Train were then replenished (I think this means the loos were re-filled) and it was once more put back in the sidings on the steam railway for three hours while The King did his thing in Dartmouth.

Then everything including the train went into reverse. The Royal Train returned to Totnes Station in time for the return of The King. There was a royal wave as The King boarded his train and then it was waved off by the station staff with those funny things that look like table tennis bats.

So that’s how The King ended up having a sleepover in Totnes.

 

No need for the ‘True Story ‘ Bob, that’s kind of our M.O.! (ed.)